Hah hah hah!! HSBC customer here, and not been too impressed either with various aspects of their service.
I think what you seriously need to do is read up on the basics of investing - I always recommend "Investing for Dummies (UK edition) as it covers the basics without getting too complicated, and empowers you with enough of an idea of the industry that where you are uncertain about anything, you should be able to ask intelligent questions.
2c.
